Wednesday, April 11, 2012

a falling through

hello everyone, it's been years since my last post. I'm so busy with all of those grown up things. hahahaha. well, since love is a part of grown up things, then heartbroken is also the part of it..
well, I've been fall into a deep love with a guy i dated for 2,5 years. gusoka. that's how i usually call him. our 2,5 years journey seems so beautiful and unforgettable, i cherish every moment I've spent with him. I've ever imagine to spent my whole life with him *i wish* hahaha i know it's way too impossible because we are different ! :)
Everything seems nice those days, until he changed. yes, he is changed :) he no longer a caring and lovable person like he used to :') he even said that "yoong, I just don't love you no more" wow, can you imagine how hurt I was when I heard that?! YES, I'm heartbroken ! he said that he is boring, he give up with our relationship, and blah blah blah. I don't want to break up, I'm so in love with him. I'm trying so hard to fighting for our relationship. I do everything to makes him happy, I do everything he wants, I'm trying to become the person he wanted me to be. I do everything !
Finally, I can see it crystal clear. It's not me, it's him. I saw his photo with a girl, smile happily on Valentine's day. Perfect ! It seems so unfair ! lots of his friends support him, and blame me ! they said the problem was in me, yes ME ! people against me, and I just can do nothing to fix it, nothing ! I tried so hard to understand the situation, I broke up with him, and let him went away from me :')
Time goes by, my friends help me to wake up and stand strong ! they are working so hard to get my back, because they know I'm not easy to handle when I'm dealing with sorrow. well, now here I am. I finally realize, there's nothing I can say, nothing I can do to bring him back again :)
I know, deep down in his heart, he still care, he still have that love for me, but he just stop to shows that feeling and move on :)
Well, gusoka you may see me stand strong, but you will never know how many nights I cried to sleep, how vulnerable I am, and how much I miss you everyday, but I just try to stop showing you how much I care about you. just so you know, I still care about you, still miss you, until now, I always do :)
It doesn't matter how much I miss you, how bad I want you to be mine, I think it's still wiser for me not to have you back again :)

I hope you're happy with your new life without me yoong :) God bless you Reza Angger Kusprakoso